By Rabbi Abraham Unger, Ph.D.
Executive Director
This Week’s Torah Portion
Real Leadership
The greatness of the Torah is neither its chronology of ancient history nor its presentation of a systematic theology. Its humanity is what makes it the best-selling and most enduring book of all time. Indeed, the most effective leader of all time, Moses, is among the most openly vulnerable of men. He speaks brilliantly, he is unwavering and relentless in purpose, but also has his moments of frustration, both public and private.
In this week’s Shabbat Torah portion, the Children of Israel complain. They give voice to what communities often do when engaging in a new period of historic development: they look back at hard times and idealize them. The Torah relates that the Jewish people began to have, in the Torah’s own language, “cravings,” as they settled into a life of freedom after Moses led them out of Egypt. They recall the foods of Egypt, forgetting they may have received them as slaves without any personhood of their own.
I remember my grandfather once getting angry at some cousins who were visiting. They were reminiscing about the shtetl from which they emigrated. They remembered the foods, the atmosphere of a past of piety and rural life. My grandfather chimed in, “Don’t you remember how terrible it was? Life was not good. Food was hard to acquire. There was no opportunity. We were oppressed. Don’t make the past into a dream.”
Moses cries out unto the L-rd, asking why he bears the burden of leading this people. G-d tells him to seek counsel so that he does not feel alone. These moments make Moses real and show the full depth of his responsibility. That kind of forbearance and humanity are the features of authentic and lasting leadership.
Weekly Parenting Message from the Parsha
Counting to Five
It’s easy to get angry. It just takes a little loosening of self-control and a discarding of clearheaded focus in the heat of the moment. It’s even easier for a child to behave that way. Children haven’t yet developed the self-regulatory mechanisms we know about as adults.
The Torah understands this all-too-human tendency and offers a practical method to distance ourselves from the anger we may sometimes feel. In this week’s Shabbat Torah reading, we learn of the priestly blessings. These are the blessings the Cohanim, the officiants in the ancient temple, bestowed upon the Children of Israel. The theme of these blessings is that we nurture the talent to take a step back, and, as a first reaction to a difficult situation, seek out peace and conciliation rather than conflict.
If human beings were naturally peaceful, there would be no need for the Torah to gently remind us, through the mechanism of a blessing, that the higher aim of our lives is to practice calming, peaceful behaviors, no matter the circumstance. But we are people of flesh and blood, so the Torah created a whole ritual – a practice – to remind us of our better natures. We have earned that blessing as peace seekers because it is within our capability to live up to that standard. Being able to reflect, and take a step back, is also what makes us human. We are not merely defined by raw emotion.
As parents, it is our task to offer these kinds of blessings to our children. Let’s talk about what it means to be more self-aware, what it means to be a seeker of peace between people when disagreement emerges, as it inevitably will in life. If we talk about it – if we practice thoughtful, peaceful behavior – then our children will too.