BackPeace within the Family
By: Rabbi Dr. Abraham Unger
Every family has its own dynamic. One educator I know calls it “mishpochology.” The Biblical patriarchs and matriarchs were no different. That’s what makes the Torah so engaging; it is the story of real people involved in real life situations. These stories provide us with paradigms for the strengthening of our own familial relationships.
In this week’s parsha, we have the resolution of sibling conflict. Jacob, the rightful but tormented heir to Isaac’s legacy, is about to encounter his long-estranged brother Esau, from whom he fled so many decades ago after buying his patrimony for a bowl of soup. Jacob is justifiably scared. Esau is a hunter chieftain. Jacob sends a message to Esau conveying that, in the Torah’s own words, he hoped to “gain favor” in Esau’s eyes. Rashi transforms this phrase denoting grace into something more profound. He comments that Jacob is really signaling to his brother that “I am at peace with you and desire your love.”
Jacob has moved on. That was a choice. He is letting his brother know that, at this stage of their lives, closing out their final decades, he yet loves his brother. The Hebrew word for “peace” here, related to the word “shalom,” also means “whole.” Jacob feels whole, not broken, in his relationship to his brother. Whatever transpired between them years ago, they are still siblings, and they are therefore bound to each other.
The lesson is clear. Jacob’s legacy to us at this moment is that family matters. Even if seemingly fractured, a family relationship can be healed, if its members are able to take a leap of love and make that choice.