Rabbi’s Parenting Message — June 13, 2025
Attitude is Everything
Moses sent twelve spies into the Land of Israel. They all witnessed the same terrain and the same people inhabiting the land. Yet, ten of the spies returned with a negative, depressing report, and two (Yehoshua and Kalev) returned with a positive, upbeat report. The difference is one of beliefs and attitude. Yehoshua and Kalev trusted God and were filled with optimism, which led them to interpret what they were viewing in a positive light. The other spies had other agendas and therefore interpreted the same phenomenon negatively.
Two people can look at the same circumstances. One sees opportunity, and the other sees disaster. As parents we need to teach and model for our children how to find the silver linings in situations, and to make sweet lemonade out of sour lemons. That way our children will become resilient, positive, and productive people.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — June 6, 2025
Absorbing Blessing
The Torah commands the Kohanim (priests) to bless the Jewish people using a particular formula. The last of the three priestly blessings is “May the Lord raise His countenance toward you and grant you peace” (Bamidbar/Numbers 6:26). The last blessing of the silent Amidah (Shmoneh Esrei) also concludes “Blessed are you God who blesses His nation Israel with peace.” Similarly, the Kaddish ends “The One who makes peace on High, He shall make peace rest upon us, and upon all Israel.” Why do we always conclude with a prayer for peace? Our sages answer that “The only vessel fitting to receive blessing is peace.” Our sages are teaching us that without peace, all other blessings are rendered meaningless. One can have all the external blessings in the world, but if one does not have peace of mind, one cannot enjoy and appreciate one’s blessings.
As parents we can give our children every advantage, opportunity, and physical blessing, but if they do not have inner peace they will not reap the tremendous benefits of these blessings. A large part of educating our children involves cultivating an environment, and giving them the tools, to create inner peace of mind, and thereby to appreciate their blessings.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — May 30, 2025
The Most Important Character Trait
This week’s parsha of Bamidbar, meaning “in the desert”, generally falls before the holiday of Shavuot, the holiday on which we celebrate the giving of the Torah. Our sages point out that one of the reasons that God particularly chose to give the Torah in the terrain of a desert was to teach us that if one is humble, like the desert sands upon which all may wander, then one becomes fit to receive the Torah.
The Torah’s true wisdom flows towards the humble. Arrogance not only precludes a person from truly receiving the Torah, but is also considered to be an extremely negative character trait. Maimonides points out that while most character traits are good when present in a balanced way, even a small amount of arrogance should be avoided.
As parents we are responsible for overseeing not only the knowledge our children acquire, but also their character development. From the Torah’s perspective, training our children to be humble is an educational imperative. We thereby shape our children’s character to receive the holy Torah.
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Shavuot.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — May 23, 2025
Education’s Goal
One of the daily Mitzvot when we have a Temple (Beit Hamikdash) is for the priests (kohanim) to light the Menorah. The Torah commands “When you elevate the lamps (oil), the seven lamps shall cast their light toward the face of the menorah.” (Numbers 8:2)
The classic Torah commentator Rashi wonders why the torah uses the term elevate, as opposed to the term light when referencing the lamps at the start of the verse. He answers that the Mitzvah is to light the wicks so that they are strong enough to sustain themselves on their own. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein explains that the key to the purpose and goal of education is alluded to in this explanation by Rashi. The light of the Menorah symbolizes spiritual wisdom.
Lighting the oil wick represents spreading the wisdom to another, or in other words, education. Just as one must ensure that the oil wick contains enough light to sustain itself, so too one must ensure that a child receives sufficient educational wisdom to become independent and self-sufficient. Keeping the end in mind, it is important for us to remember that the goal of education is to help our children thrive independently.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — May 16, 2025
Digital Detox
I typed the following into my google search bar “day free of electronics.” Here is the AI result: “A day free of electronics,” or digital detox, is a period of time where individuals consciously choose to abstain from using electronic devices and technology. This can be a 24-hour period, a longer timeframe, or even just specific periods of time like during meals or at bedtime.
AI then lists the following benefits among others: reduced stress, increased focus and productivity, enhanced relationships, improved sleep, and increased awareness of technology’s influence.
Having the entire world in the palm of our hands (e.g. smartphones) is an amazing technological feat and a blessing in many ways. However, the challenges are great and can potentially be very detrimental to us and to our children. The importance of monitoring ourselves and our children in this regard is of the utmost importance.
In this week’s Torah portion the Torah refers to Shabbat as a holy convocation and commands us to refrain from certain creative activities, called melacha, on Shabbat. 3337 years ago, the Torah gave us a Digital Detox day, a day to refocus our lives and enhance our relationships without the distraction of worldly pursuits. It is a day to refocus ourselves and our children on the truly important things in life: values, family, and spiritual connection.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — May 9, 2025
Motivating Good Choices
Rashi quotes a Midrash at the beginning of this week’s Torah portion “Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah gives the following parable: a patient, whom a doctor came to visit. The doctor said to him, “Do not eat cold foods, and do not lie down in a cold, damp place.” Then, another doctor visited him, and advised him, “Do not eat cold foods or lie down in a cold, damp place, so that you will not die the way so-and-so died.” This one motivated the patient more than the first doctor.
As parents we want to increase our children’s motivation to make good, moral, and healthy choices, and decrease their motivation to make negative, immoral, and unhealthy choices. The parable of Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah expresses the role of clearly understanding the consequences of our actions as a major motivating factor of our behavioral choices. Our role therefore as parents is to clearly and continuously articulate the value and consequences of the choices that lie before our children. This reinforcement will motivate the child to continue in the path of positive life choices.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — May 2, 2025
The Power of “I don’t know”
Our sages learn from a verse in this week’s Torah portion, Tazria-Metzorah, that one should learn to say, “I don’t know.” Teaching our children to say “I don’t know” is such an important part of their education. Our children, and we as parents, need to be taught that admitting not knowing something is not a sign of incompetence, and certainly does not detract from anyone’s essential value. Our sages encourage us to learn to say “I don’t know” because saying “I don’t know” unashamedly is in fact a strength. It shows honesty, humility, and fosters both seeking true knowledge and an unthreatening environment for collaboration and learning. As parents we need to ensure that we do not make our children feel less special when they say “I don’t know.” It is important that we also sometimes say “I don’t know”, truthfully and unashamedly, and thereby teach our children the great value, strength, and learning opportunities that open up when we give voice to our own humanity.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — April 25, 2025
The Torah explains how to identify a kosher animal – an animal that has a true split hoof and is a ruminant (chews its cud). A pig has a true split hoof but does not chew its cud and is therefore not a kosher animal. Why then did the Torah find it necessary to specifically mention that the pig is not kosher if it already doesn’t meet the original criteria? The Talmud states that the pig was singled out because it is the only animal that exists with split hooves that does not chew its cud. Every other animal with split hooves also chews the cud. Since Moses and our sages were obviously not modern zoologists, it is truly remarkable that no exceptions have been found.
Our sages point out that the pig represents a particularly objectionable idea: appearing kosher (righteous) on the outside and being unkosher (corrupt) on the inside. This relates directly to how we role model ourselves as mothers and fathers for our children. Our children learn far more from what we do than from what we say. Children are experts in discovering the contradictions between our words and our actions. None of us are perfect and therefore our actions may on occasion be inconsistent with our values. When our children point this out to us, this is itself an amazing educational opportunity. Rather than make excuses, we should be honest, admit the inconsistency, and commit to improvement. Our job as parents is to perfect ourselves by ironing out our own inconsistencies, and thereby truly model the values we want to pass on to our children. Our children will thereby understand that their parents are human and are always on an upwards trajectory of growth. What better lesson could we transmit?
Shabbat Shalom
Passover Parenting Message — April 18, 2025
Passover is the Biblical holiday most focused on the education of our children. Part and parcel of the education of a child from a Jewish perspective is giving the child the context of his or her own life. The Passover experience instills a foundational understanding of the history of the Jewish people in a child. It also reinforces a sense of pride at being the next link in the chain of the Jewish people. Finally, it brings home the message that indeed, G-d hears our prayers, delivered us from bondage in Egypt, and is with us in every generation. While this process begins on Passover, this vital education is ongoing in the development of the identity of every Jewish child.
Passover Parenting Message — April 11, 2025
Why do we call the text used at the Seder, the Haggadah? The word Haggadah means to tell, or communicate, information. The reason we use this word for communication to describe the text we use at the Seder is because the Torah commands us “And you shall tell your child on that day saying: For this God redeemed us from the land of Egypt.” (Exodus 13:8) In the text of the Haggadah there is a well known passage “The Torah speaks concerning four children, one is wise, one is simple, one is wicked, and one does not know how to ask.” This passage contains within it perhaps the most important parenting message. Every child is unique and requires a different educational approach. Every child’s strength, weakness, questions, and perspectives must be carefully understood. Once this has been accomplished one can then effectively educate and help the child to grow to their fullest potential, and communication is at the core of that journey in teaching each child. As King Solomon advises in his Book of Proverbs, the Torah’s path is to educate each child according to his or her way (Proverbs 22:6).
Chag Sameach!