Rabbi’s Parenting Message — March 6, 2026
Parenting Means Presence
This week’s Shabbat Torah reading contains the famous story of the golden calf. The Children of Israel, recently liberated from slavery, become nervous when Moses goes up to Mt. Sinai to receive the Torah and doesn’t come down as readily as they expected. In lieu of their leader’s presence, they build an idol through which to feel more secure in Moses’ absence.
Moses had become a paternal figure to the Jewish people. He essentially raised them from a lost group of enslaved tribes to develop into a cohesive nation. While the ancient Jews were called the Children of Israel to represent them being children of G-d, they were as much the sons and daughters of Moses. By way of modern historical analogy, many orphans from the concentration camps of World War Two were taken in by Chassidic Rabbis after the Holocaust and raised as their own children. This is how the East European Chassidic community replenished itself.
Imagine the Israelites’ dismay when Moses was away on the mountain top. Imagine how worried and insecure they felt. Indeed, it was a feeling of being orphaned. That does not excuse a poor choice of conduct such as slipping back into the idol worship of the pagan world from which they had come, but it does explain the Children of Israel’s behavior.
Now imagine a child whose parent seems far away and less than fully present. A feeling of insecurity creeps in. It becomes easier to veer into a direction that may not be for the best.
My father told me the day my sons were born that children don’t ask to be born. If we bring them into the world, we are obligated to them. That means being fully present for them, both physically and emotionally.
It takes time, and patience, and consistency, but there is no more meaningful vocation in the world than parenting. That is my takeaway from this week’s parsha. I think of it frequently as a father. All that our tradition asks of us as parents is to be with the children we are blessed with raising.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — February 27, 2026
Parenting with Heart
Our society prizes the intellect, especially in a tech-driven age. Strategy and STEM have overwhelmed much of how we define meaningful work and achievement. Judaism appreciates these purposes, but asks for balance in also remembering the emotional and spiritual side of creativity.
In the week’s Shabbat Torah reading, Aaron, the first officiant in the Tabernacle, or High Priest in formal terminology, is asked to remember his heart as he represents the law to the people. Society was advancing, the Rule of Law was developing, but underneath clear and direct teachings for communal progress was a reminder to balance the mind with the soul.
As we parent we too have to find the balance in our own lives between discipline and openness. A home must have rules; children need structure, but the rules must be infused with deep care and an affection through which the child intuits that their boundaries are there to nurture.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — February 20, 2026
Rights and Responsibility
We live in a society that speaks the language of rights. Indeed, it is a longstanding tradition of Western civilization to argue for the rights of the individual. However, Judaism starts from a different vantage point. While we all certainly have the natural right to pursue our potential according to the Torah’s ethos, the Bible and Talmud emphasize our responsibilities more than our rights. There is a vast literature comparing this stress on duty instead of expectation in classic Jewish teaching.
I think of this becuase of the opening of this week’s Shabbat Torah portion. It references the mandate to give charity to the community’s projects. However, Jewish law also states that even those in poverty should give tzedaka, charity. The sages of our tradition suggest it is a fundamental human responsibility that everyone offer something, and even more so, view themselves with a dignity that speaks to the honor of being a contributing member of society.
This is a core foundation of the Jewish perspective on parenting. We are advised to teach our children that responsibility runs deep. It is an integral part of what it means to be an individual. Each of us is obligated to provide for the other. No one is exempt from a role in the public square. After all, society is really just made up of people, such as you and I, linked together to form a whole. That goodness of the whole depends on the character we each bring to the table. Indeed, the next generation will be the community of tomorrow.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — February 13, 2026
The Meaning of Joy
Next week we observe the start of the new Hebrew month of Adar, the month in which the festive holiday of Purim occurs. Jewish tradition teaches us that in Adar, we are supposed to be happy. How can we be commanded to be happy? This is a question asked by the Rabbis of other holidays also on which we’re told by the Torah that we must be in a celebratory mood. Can we control our moods and be naturally happy just when the calendar happens to insist on it?
As in all other dimensions of Jewish life, the Torah gives us tools by which to achieve its spiritual hopes for us. On Purim, not too long from now, we’re supposed to dress up and have an extravagant family meal, all in an effort to kindle joy. But, in the midst of that kind of material celebration, we are supposed to give gifts to each other and to the poor. The Talmudic sages make meaning out of the human propensity to celebrate.
That’s the nature of Judaism. It is a faith that doesn’t separate us from real life; rather, it sanctifies it. As parents, we don’t insulate our children from the world. We teach them to engage with it, and to make their uniquely individual, and joyful, mark on it.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — February 6, 2026
The Power of Family
In my broader weekly message to our congregants this week I noted that in this week’s Shabbat Torah reading, Moses is rebuked by his trusted father-in-law Jethro for almost missing the opportunity to greet his wife and sons when they rejoin him in the desert after he has led the Jews to safety out of Egyptian slavery. Moses was just getting too busy and his sons’ grandfather rebukes him for that.But, there is something even more significant going on in the text. The most important Torah commentary, Rashi, highlights that Moses was not going to spend time with his young sons as they came back to be with him after his assignment in Egypt. Even a great leader has no excuse not to be present with and for his children. Moses was literally about to receive the Ten Commandments in the narrative, but first, he had to go and be with his children. Even G-d waited, so to speak, for that moment to happen before the Torah could be revealed.
What a lesson! We all lead busy lives. We are overscheduled throughout the week, but Judaism still demands we make time for our children. There is no more important a role than that of being mothers and fathers. All else really can wait. This, I believe, is the core Jewish value most resonant to those who try to carve out a space for themselves within the Jewish community. That space starts with family, perhaps around the Shabbat table, or at a Passover Seder. It never fades. Jethro was a grandfather after all, and he was there too, spending time with his grandsons. Family first. That’s the Torah’s way.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — January 30, 2026
Torah and the Arts
Imagine a world without music, or without poetry. The Torah cannot. Right after Moses and the Children of Israel cross the Red Sea, recounted in this week’s Shabbat Torah portion, they all break out into song with powerful lyrics extolling creation. The sea has split, freedom has been won, and there can be no stronger outpouring of human feeling than that captured in music and verse, beyond the dry prose of a narrative or simple retelling of a story. The Arts run deeper in the soul than any mere use of regular daily language can. Something more emotionally moving is called for when our spirits soar.
This is a lesson for us all as parents. It is our task to support our children’s awe of the universe, and then to join with them in the creative process of the artistic enterprise. We sing with them, we clap hands, we draw with them, and we learn through the experience of building something new and beautiful in response to the majesty of the world in which we live. As much as reading, writing, and arithmetic are crucial, so is remembering our ability to rise above the academic and into the creative.
To be human means to balance the head with the heart. The Torah, in an hour of grandeur as the sea divides and a people cross it from slavery to freedom, teaches that the melody and lyrics of wonder are the most significant response to a miracle we can express. As mothers and fathers, we must never let our children lose their will to be artistic interpreters of their own special moments. The Torah asks no less of us.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — January 23, 2026
Who We Are
In this week’s Shabbat Torah portion, we read of the very first Passover celebration. It was unlike any other Passover observed at any time throughout history. Why? Because it was kept while the Jews were still enslaved in Egypt! G-d commands them to have a Seder even before the plagues are finished and they are liberated. This seems to be a quixotic approach to life.
In the face of misery, the Children of Israel retain their fundamental humanity. They recall their innate freedom as human beings with an intrinsic dignity.
The psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Dr. Victor Frankl made it his life’s work to remind us that we are as we perceive ourselves. Even in the darkest depths of Auschwitz, he stated unequivocally that one’s personhood relied on his or her own sense of meaning in their lives. No taskmaster could ever take away an individual’s humanity so long as he or she still retained it, no matter the circumstance.
The lesson of that first Passover, with children surely seated around that Seder table just as they would be today, is that we define who we are. It doesn’t matter what others may think or say. Our dignity and human potential are ours forever.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — January 16, 2026
Hope and Promise
Have you ever gone through an experience difficult enough to wonder if it is even worthwhile just to hope, when being an optimist simply seems unrealistic? Imagine a group enslaved, with endless toil ahead, asked to believe that freedom lies just around the corner. Would you expect these slaves to jump up at the mention of redemption by a former royal prince who claims he has come back to save them through the will of G-d? Even in an epoch of deep faith in the supernatural, this is a big ask, yet exactly the one the Children of Israel are asked by Moses to make in this week’s Shabbat Torah portion.
Sure enough, the Torah records that the Jews responded to Moses’ rhetoric with “kotzer ruach,” shortness of breath, due to their anguish and sheer workload. The Italian Rabbinic commentator known as Sforno comments that the Israelites couldn’t comprehend the hopefulness of Moses’ message; it was beyond them to see a bright future in their current state of servitude.
The wonder of children is just the opposite. They live without inhibition, in a constant state of wonder and optimism. They have no understanding of the realism in which we adults often take such pride. I think it is one of our most vital assignments as parents to keep that awe in our children alive for as long as possible. It is not foolhardy. It is a resource for resilience. The more we can encourage their hopefulness, the more they will be able to plow through challenges without losing the ability to see beyond the moment.
The message of Exodus is a narrative of hope. There are wondrous miracles and fabulous occurrences, all to reenforce faith in a future that could reasonably be seen as bleak, but in fact, held forth magnificent promise.
Once we bring forth children into the world, we must never ever let them let go of the promise each of them holds so close in their earliest years. If we can do that, we have given them a gift for a lifetime.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — January 9, 2026
Standing Up
How do we teach our children the real meaning of justice? How do we model for them how to stand up when something just isn’t right? As Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote in his book on the beauty of the Sabbath, Judaism requires not a leap of faith, but a leap of action.
In this week’s Shabbat Torah portion, Moses – the Prince of Egypt – stands up for justice by striking out against an Egyptian task master of his Jewish slave. Moses gave up everything, including his royal career in Pharaoh’s palace, to make a contribution to his own Jewish community and the broader progress of the human project.
This is what we too are supposed to do. When we see something that we know isn’t right, it is our responsibility to stand up, and to let our children know that they cannot remain silent. Moses risked it all, but look at the difference he made! If not for him, our Jewish tradition of doing the right and the good, as the Torah instructs, would have been lost to the sands of time. Not only is the Jewish people eternal; so is our message.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — January 2, 2026
The Power of Critical Thinking
We all want our children to be independent of mind and heart. They should form their own perspectives on what matters to them and develop an emotional intelligence that matches their intellectual capabilities. These fundamental parental aspirations for our children are intrinsic to how we think about the values we try to transmit.This week’s Shabbat Torah portion speaks to this hope. As the patriarch Jacob, about to pass, calls over his grandsons for a blessing, he tells their father, his long lost son Joseph with whom he was recently reunited, that he “dared not hope to see his [Joseph’s] face again.” Rashi explains the verb used to capture this feeling suggests “thoughts,” such as giving advice or forming an opinion. Jacob treasured the chance to engage in spirited conversation once again with his son. To him, seeing someone meant being in dialogue with them, and thinking through an idea or sensibility.
This Biblical paradigm of human interaction is exactly what makes for a truly critical thinker – someone unafraid to explore any facet of the human condition with another. It is our task to model this kind of openness for our children, and showing that we can hold fast to our convictions while remaining civil, soulful, and curious as we speak and listen. This is the Jewish way, and indeed, a value sorely needed these days. It all begins at home.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — December 26, 2025
The Comfort of Home
We are in the midst of winter vacation. Schools are on break, and some of us are traveling. Though it’s natural to look for escapes when we have the opportunity, we always know that home is the most special place of all. It’s where we live, not only physically, but spiritually, as parents and children growing together.
Judaism seconds that feeling. The home is considered like a temple. The kitchen table is our altar, and it is the parents’ obligation to teach their children in the home. Teachers are simply contracted educational agents of parents according to Jewish law. Life and learning all center around where we live, day in and day out.
In this week’s Shabbat Torah portion, the Jewish patriarch Jacob tells the King of Egypt that he has always been a “sojourner”. Jacob relates this biographical fact as he once again, as an elderly grandfather, resettles in a new place. Jacob is the quintessential wandering Jew, having had to uproot himself and his family many times over.
Jacob led a majestic, storied life, full of action and adventure. He loved and he lost, and he raised a family that gave rise to the Jewish people, the only civilization from Western antiquity that still survives and thrives. Jacob founded a people that outlasted the ancient Greek and Roman empires. And yet, he was pained, because he never fully established a home.
It is home that gives our children a sense of having steady ground beneath their feet as they venture forth into the world a little more each day. Our task as parents is to provide a familial refuge that provides shelter from the storm and a sense of permanence, even when all move on. Jacob missed that experience, and he knew it. His story reminds us that, even when someplace else may seem to have grass greener than ours at the moment, home is still where we yearn to be.
Shabbat Shalom
Shabbat & Chanukah Rabbi’s Parenting Message — December 19, 2025
Perseverance and Faith
In this week’s Torah portion, Joseph literally rises from prison to the heights of power. His wisdom is finally recognized after two years of languishing on false charges in a jail cell, and he becomes second only to the king of Egypt, due to both merit and strength of character. However, Joseph’s most significant virtue is simply his patience and persistence in sticking with his truth, and in pursuing – in this case literally – his dreams. The Maccabees did the same. They dreamt of a Jewish sovereignty regained, and though it took years of perseverance, they realized their goal.
The great actor Spencer Tracy once said that success in his highly competitive profession was largely due to knowing one’s lines – basically, just keep practicing, keep at it, do the job well, and persist. As parents, I think one of the most significant values we can continuously model and teach our children is follow-through. I say it to my own children all the time. It doesn’t mean one can’t change a strategy or field of interest, but stick with your dreams, never waver, and you’ll see a light at the end of a road filled with hard work. That’s the stuff of a meaningful life. Joseph and the Maccabees lived it. That’s a lesson for us all.
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Chanukah
Shabbat & Chanukah Rabbi’s Parenting Message — December 12, 2025
The Power of a Dream
In this week’s Shabbat Torah reading, we begin the story of Joseph and his dreams. For all the hard times that Joseph went through, it was the dream he had of his future that kept him going. On a global level, the dreams he had of the world’s future saved both his adopted country and the Jewish community from famine.
Dreams not only matter. They are essential. They drive us. They push us forward. Our task as parents is to realize our children’s unique potentials and support the realization of their dreams.
As we enter the light-filled holiday of Chanukah starting Sunday night, when we celebrate the miraculous eternity of the Jewish people, we recognize the light in each of our own children. After all, Chanukah is very much a children’s holiday. We are supposed to give gifts, or what was known once as “Chanukah Gelt,” to our children, to incentivize them to learn more, and become all we know they can be.
Shabbat Shalom, and Happy Chanukah
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — December 5, 2025
When Siblings Fight
The Torah provides us with narratives that are intended to model our relationships. They are stories that seem all too real, which is probably why the Bible is the best-seller of all time. In this week’s Shabbat reading, the rival brothers Jacob and Esau reunite. Jacob has been living in fear of Esau almost his whole life, ever since Esau, the hungry hunter, hastily traded his birthright as firstborn for a bowl of lentil soup that Jacob offered him. It may have been for the best in terms of Jewish history, since Esau was the progenitor of Rome, which oppressed the Jews millennia later, but it divided these twin brothers.
Decades later, Jacob decides to reach out to Esau. They make peace, hug, and end on the best of terms. There is a lesson here even for children. Siblings often squabble. It’s part of growing up in a house together, but there is a way to teach them that this behavior should never be the last word.
Forgiveness, coming back together, and always remembering you are part of the same family and connected for life, are the values suggested by the Torah’s teaching moment this week when siblings disagree. Every person is different and sees the world with unique eyes, but family is still family, and that’s what matters most.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — November 28, 2025
Jacob’s Ladder – A Bridge between Heaven and Earth
How do we infuse a sense of spirituality in our children? Imagine how great a sensibility that could be – the ability to look inward, reflect, and feel a sense of awe and gratitude for each day. It is not only the Jewish way, but a path towards a more meaningful life and as well as a resource to fall back on when dealing with all the challenges life brings.
This Shabbat’s Torah portion tells us the famous tale of Jacob’s ladder. Jacob, grandson of Abraham, founder of the Jewish people, falls asleep in the wilderness. He dreams a dream, envisioning a ladder reaching to heaven, with angels ascending and descending the steps of the ladder, bringing together the skies and the earth.
The vagaries of life are always just upon us. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, but a person grounded in the Jewish tradition always has on hand a stepladder looking heavenward. No matter the moment, the arc of Torah is optimistic. We are rooted and engaged in the world around us – we never withdraw – but we always look upwards towards a more ideal existence. That is the drive of the Jewish people, and each of our children has a role to play in the movement towards a better tomorrow for all humankind.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — November 21, 2025
Nature or Nurture?
In this week’s Shabbat Torah portion, the twins Jacob and Esau grow up. As they evolve, their actions become recognizably different from one another. Neither child is perfect, but Jacob likes study and school, while Esau likes not only the outdoors, but a kind of wild, more heathen life. These brothers came from the same home, but the Torah lets us know that they chose their own individual paths.
How does this narrative speak to us as parents? It seems to say nature counts more than nurture, and our children will simply follow their propensities as they grow up.
Here’s the message: it’s our task to nurture our daughters’ and sons’ senses of their own responsibilities to make the most of their natural talents. We cannot change our children’s tendencies, but we can ensure they believe in themselves and the contributions they can make with their talents. As King Solomon wrote in the Book of Proverbs, our role is to educate each child according to their way.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — November 14, 2025
Kindness in a Fragile World
In this week’s Torah portion, we meet the second Biblical matriarch, Rebecca. She marries Sarah and Abraham’s son Isaac. Her qualifying virtue is kindness. She offers water to both a wayfarer and his camel in the desert. Water is precious, but life is even more sacred. She is willing to sacrifice her own resources for the benefit of others.
I can think of no more valuable lesson in our time and place than this one. For all of the economic and social uncertainty in the air, it is a time when much is taken for granted. But we in the Jewish community take nothing for granted. We know how fragile our world can be, and so our tradition commands us to act not with selfishness but with yet more kindness, or what in Hebrew is termed “chesed.” That is why Bar and Bat Mitzvah students often commit to “chesed projects” for charities and causes which provide resources to those in need, like water in the desert.
The Torah reminds us that the overriding value which guides us is kindness. Let’s remember that when we wonder what the world may hold for us and our children.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — November 7, 2025
The Jewish Family
In this week’s Shabbat Torah portion, we read the famous story of the binding of Isaac. Abraham was called upon to sacrifice the son of his old age, and at the last minute, an angel holds back his hand. Indeed, it is that son, Isaac, who continues the Jewish tradition unto the generations.
The philosopher and scholar Rabbi Dr. Jonathan Sacks noted that, historically speaking, this narrative was not only a warning against the ancient pagan practice of human sacrifice. In antiquity, children were viewed simply as property of their father. However, the Jewish vision of the family is that all members have a voice. Children and parents are each individuals, and they each have a sacredness to them.
Of course, parents must still guide their daughters and sons, but the Jewish family is a unit of souls, all of whom share in the upbuilding of the world through deep commitment to each other. That, in a nutshell, is at the core of our faith.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — October 31, 2025
Making Meaningful Spaces
In this week’s parsha, Abraham, the first Jew, leaves his home for the promised land. He has discovered the idea of one G-d, a universal foundation for ethics that began humankind’s journey out of a brutal paganism. In order to start that process of spiritual change, Abraham had to change his physical location.
There is a lesson here that our physical surroundings matter. Where do we place ourselves and our children? In what environments do we find ourselves? Even when we think we have no choice, we always do. Judaism doesn’t deny the meaning of the physical world. We don’t seek to withdraw from it. We engage with the world and we sanctify it. Our purpose is to raise children who recognize where they are, and what they can contribute to the spaces in which they live.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — October 10, 2025
Welcoming the Past on Sukkot
This week during Sukkot my memories roll back to my grandparents – how they loved sitting outside in this little booth in the courtyard of their synagogue to enjoy conversation and dinner with friends as the autumn moved in. After all, thematically, this seemed like just the right way to celebrate what is supposed to be our “Zman Simchateinu”, our festival of joy, after the somber tones of Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur.
I recall a custom, somewhat rare but still observed, called “Ushpizin”, of reciting a brief welcome in the Sukkah to imaginary guests from the earliest days of Jewish history. Guests such as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and even King David, were asked to “join” our holiday suppers. Why? Because, as one Chassidic Rabbi wrote, their light should shine on us. The glow of those who came before still hovers over us as Jewish families carving out our unique spaces in the world.
So, this week, let’s take a moment to share some special grandparent stories with our children as autumn enters and this new year starts to wind its course.
Have a joyous Sukkot/Chag Sameach
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — September 26, 2025
Our Best Selves
It was wonderful to have so many children with us in synagogue on Rosh HaShanah. It is not only that they provide us with hope for the future. It is that they are the very reason we exist. The Jewish people’s historic focus on education is a commitment to realizing the talents of each person. That project begins in early childhood, as we expose our children to the joy and wonder of their spiritual heritage, encapsulated in tactile learning such as decorating a honey cake, and hearing a shofar blast.
But why do these activities matter? Why must there be this structured play woven into the fabric of our synagogue community? This High Holiday period answers that question. Its theme of “teshuvah”, becoming our best selves, is at the core of the lived Jewish experience. We learn, we sing, we gather in community, all to elicit our very best, and it starts with offering our children that experience. We share with them as parents our openness to growing and learning with them as we come to synagogue together during this Jewish New Year season.
Yom Kippur next week develops this theme launched by Rosh HaShanah. We spend a day reflecting and resolving for the future. Our spiritual calendar dedicates these few autumn weeks to reminding us of this central human purpose to nurture our best selves. Our congregation exists to fulfill it.
Shanah Tovah U’Metukah, a Happy, Healthy, and Sweet New Year, and Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — September 19, 2025
How Torah Continues
It has taken a long time for education and secular culture to recognize that children are in fact whole individuals, with outlooks and talents already formed, and just needing shape and language to express them more effectively as they develop into young adults. Until fairly recently in history, children were viewed simply as property. Child labor laws had to be enacted not so long ago to prevent the endgame of that perspective.
Judaism though has always recognized the wonders of a child – that each young person is innately gifted. Our task as adults is to be partners in the forging of a society that brings out the best in each of our daughters and sons.
This week’s Torah portion emphasizes that point. It is Moses’ swan song. Moses, the elderly sage of the Children of Israel wandering for forty years in the desert, asks his people to renew the covenant given earlier at Mt. Sinai to observe the commandments of a just society as they are about to re-enter the land of Israel.
But this time, it’s different. Moses makes sure to include the children in this renewal agreement, and even more so, he articulates that those children yet to come in future generations are also members of this covenant! They represent the potential of the future, and Torah can only continue if each child makes their own unique contribution to it.
The promise that each of our children holds is the hope we carry as mothers and fathers entering this New Year together as participants in the next chapter of the Jewish story.
Shanah Tovah U’Metukah/A Happy, Healthy, and Sweet New Year,
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — September 12, 2025
Of Harvests and Gratitude
How do we teach our children to appreciate the gifts of our world? How do we guide them to live lives that include feelings of blessedness? This week’s Shabbat Torah reading advises a pathway. It opens with the Biblical mitzvah, commandment, to bring the first fruits from the summer harvest to the officiants, the Priests, of the ancient Temple in Jerusalem. There, upon that gift, the donor would recite a declaration of thanks for freedom from Egyptian slavery and the opportunity to give these first fruits. In an agricultural society, this was a tax, so to speak, and it was given happily.
How often do we take a step back and remind our children of all that we take for granted? How often do they participate in the giving of tzedaka, charity, with us? The Torah suggests not only this practice, but that it should be done with a sense of gratitude, not just obligation. Our Shabbat portion instructs that, “You will rejoice over all the good that G-d, your G-d, has granted you and your household.” Let’s give back with joy, and our children, watching us, also will.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — September 5, 2025
Teaching Compassion
How do we instill kindness in our children? While of course, we trust in their innate compassion, it is still our responsibility to infuse them with this value. This week’s Shabbat Torah portion, called “Ki Teitzei,” literally means “When you go out.” It offers a list of ethical practices to prepare the Jewish people to “go out” into the Land of Israel after their years of slavery in Egypt, and set up a moral society.One of these practices is to send away the mother bird from her nest if one wants to take the nest’s eggs or young birds. The great medieval Jewish philosopher Maimonides explains that we shoo away the mother bird so she does not have to witness what comes next. Yes, she and her offspring are animals, but they too are part of creation, and we remember to have compassion over them.
It is this seemingly small act which represents how we are to teach our children. They are watching each action we take. They are absorbing it all. Taking a few seconds to be kind to a small bird, or any other opportunity we have in the midst of our busy days to show compassion, might just be our most significant teaching moments of all to our children.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — August 29, 2025
It’s Personal
“Judges and officers of law enforcement you shall place for you within all your gates that the Lord your God is giving you…”
At the beginning of this week’s Torah portion, the Torah commands us to appoint judges and law enforcement officers to enforce the law. While the simple interpretation of this verse applies to the nation as a whole, this verse can also be understood in a meaningful way on the individual level.
Each one of us is to be a judge and officer. We are to decide what is morally correct in our families’ lives, and to discipline ourselves to follow what we have determined to be right. In one’s role as a parent, one begins as both the judge and law enforcement officer for our beloved children. As our children grow older, we gradually educate them to become their own judges and law enforcement officers.
This process is ongoing for every individual throughout their lives. Sometimes we make the wrong calls, and at other times we fail to follow through on what we know to be correct. We then recognize this and choose to correct our course. This is the process of repentance, known as Teshuvah.
We have just entered the Hebrew month of Elul preceding Rosh HaShanah. We are now in the season of re-evaluating our personal judgement and how we follow through on our ideals. Through this process may we all merit a good, sweet year to come.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — August 22, 2025
The Choice is Yours
How much autonomy do we give our children? How do we teach them to make choices on their own? This week’s Shabbat Torah reading offers us some guidance. It opens with what at first seems like a standard piece of religious instruction, but in fact, suggests a deeper parenting message. The first verse of the reading states,”See, I am setting before you today a blessing and curse.”
Rashi, the most prominent commentary on the Torah, interprets that as really meaning, “The blessing is given on condition that you understand.” Children need to know that each action they choose to take has a result. Indeed, actions have consequences.
We do not expect our children to make their own choices until they are old enough to understand this idea, but it is our job as parents to let them know that what they do has an impact. In offering this guidance, the Torah is also teaching us to talk through this idea with our children. Discuss with them what it means to always grow in how we reflect on our choices, both before and after we make them. In this way, we learn with our children, while never forgetting that every second we spend with them is a teaching moment.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — August 15, 2025
Loving Consequences
“You shall know in your heart, that just as a man chastises his son, so does the Lord, your God, chastise you.” (Deuteronomy 8:5)
What does it mean to know something in your heart? That is the question asked by this week’s Shabbat Torah reading. For example, there are many people that know smoking is unhealthy but continue smoking because this knowledge is not deeply internalized in their hearts. The knowledge is external but does not impact the person and their behavior. The Torah teaches us that the knowledge “just as a man chastises his son, so does the Lord, your God, chastise you” is so important that it should be deeply internalized in our personality structures. It is therefore important that we understand the meaning of this verse.
A parent may rebuke their child for negative behavior with uncomfortable consequences out of love, for the ultimate good of the child. The Torah wants us to deeply internalize that when God chastises us it stems from His love for us, and His desire for our own betterment.
God reminds us that He reprimands us out of love, for our good, ensuring that we do not misinterpret our difficulties as stemming from rejection or spite. We, as parents, need to similarly remind our children and encourage them to internalize that the consequences we may give them for negative behaviors result from our love and desire for their ultimate good.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — August 8, 2025
A Unique Parenting Ingredient
Our Sages teach us that Moses prayed to God to allow him to enter the Land of Israel five hundred and fifteen times, yet Moses did not reach the Holy Land. That is referenced in this Shabbat’s Torah reading.
As Jews we believe in the power of prayer, no matter how things may work out. The reminder of a wisdom greater than our own is significant in and of itself, and why we pray.
Our sages teach us that while we must put in our best efforts, the success and failures of our endeavors are in God’s hands. We therefore still pray for success in all our endeavors, and especially for the results that we may feel are vitally important for us.
The development of our children into good, productive members of the Jewish People and general society is our most important and sanctified mission. As believing Jews we follow our best efforts to educate our children with sincere prayers for their success in overcoming life’s many challenges and obstacles.
We learn from Moses, our teacher, that these heartfelt prayers for their success should be constant and ongoing throughout the challenges life will bring. May God bless our efforts in educating the next generation of Jewish children.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — August 1, 2025
Rebuking Our Children?
The Oxford Dictionary definition of rebuke is to “express sharp disapproval or criticism of somebody because of their behavior or actions.” The Cambridge Dictionary definition of rebuke is “to speak angrily to someone because you disapprove of what they have said or done.” These definitions imply sharp. harsh, and even angry words of criticism and disapproval. Is rebuking our children and others for their wrongdoings in this way something that Judaism promotes?
The Hebrew word for rebuke is Tocheicha (תוכחה) . Our rabbi’s teach us that the root of this Hebrew word means ‘to prove/demonstrate something to be true.’ According to the Torah definition, rebuke does not have to be angry or harsh. When our children behave improperly, it is our responsibility according to the Torah’s definition of rebuke, to demonstrate to them that their conduct is negative, and to educate and encourage them not to repeat this negative behavior.
Rebuke must come from a place of love, and a true desire for the betterment of others. The purpose is education and not anger or sharp words. In many circumstances a soft approach is sufficient to explain why a particular behavior is wrong and should not be repeated. The focus should be more on the action than on the person, and our motivation as parents must always be to build and uplift.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — July 25, 2025
Getting One’s Priorities Straight
In this Shabbat’s Torah portion, the tribes of Gad and Reuven saw that the land east of the Jordan River was perfect grazing land for their numerous livestock. They asked Moses if they could settle that land. In their approach to Moses, they state: “We will build sheepfolds for our livestock here and cities for our children,” and they agree to help the Jewish people conquer the land before returning to their families residing east of the Jordan River. Moses responds: “So build yourselves cities for your children and enclosures for your sheep, and what has proceeded from your mouth you shall do.”
Note that the tribes of Gad and Reuven mention providing for their livestock before their children. Moses changes the order and speaks of them making provisions for their children before making provisions for their livestock. Rashi points out that Moses deliberately switches the order and effectively communicates to them: You were more concerned for your estate than you were for your children. Your priorities are incorrect. Your first priorities should be your family and not your livestock!
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — July 18, 2025
What They See Matters
In this week’s Torah portion named for Pinchas, Aaron the high priest’s grandson, Pinchas is praised for carrying out justice for the honor of God. God then rewards Pinchas with a covenant of peace. It is very strange that the reward for a militant act of heroism should be a covenant of peace. The Netziv, a great 19th century Rabbinic scholar, answers this question with a principle that is an important contemporary parenting message. He explains that everything one is exposed to changes a person. Pinchas performed a Mitzvah, but because it was a violent act, it affected his sensitivity towards others and left him internally damaged. God’s reward of peace was the restoration of Pinchas’ internal peace, and a return of his sensitivity toward others. As parents it is important that we keep in mind that what our children see and are exposed to influences their sensitivity towards others, and in turn their own inner peace.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — July 11, 2025
Beautiful Tents
Upon entering the Synagogue in the morning there is a custom to say the verse “How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel!” (Numbers 24:5) This verse is the praise and blessing that Bilam, a non-Jewish prophet cited in this week’s Torah portion, gave the Jewish people. What is it about the tents of the Jewish people that Bilam found to be so good? Rashi, an 11th century scholar, explains that Bilam saw that the openings of the tents in which the Jews dwelled did not face one another. He saw that each family was modest, desired their own privacy, and respected the privacy of others. Sforno, a later 6th century scholar, suggests that the beautiful tents that Bilam was referring to are the house of Torah study (Batei Midrash).
Both of these interpretations represent two core Jewish values that we as parents are charged to pass on to our children. We are to educate our children to understand that our homes are sanctified, and as such demand modesty and privacy. Similarly, the modesty and privacy of the sanctified homes of others must also be respected. The centrality of Torah study and modesty in our homes and in our lives are core Jewish values to pass on to our children.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — July 4, 2025
Setbacks
“They journeyed from Mount Hor by way of the Red Sea to circle the land of Edom, and the people became disheartened with the journey. The people spoke against God and against Moses, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in this desert, for there is no bread and no water, and we are disgusted with this rotten bread.” (Numbers 21: 4-6)
The classic Torah commentator Rashi explains that after being very close to entering the Land of Israel the nation was forced to backtrack. The setback led them to fear that perhaps they were going to have to spend many more years in the desert before entering the promised land. They therefore became impatient, and spoke negatively of the manna and water that God had provided them in the desert.
However, if the nation would have been told in advance that they would experience a setback in their journey, and that the setback would be temporary in nature, they would not have rebelled. We need to model ourselves and educate our children to know that any worthwhile journey and goal will have setbacks and challenges, and to expect setbacks, but embrace them with a positive attitude, and to avoid becoming unnecessarily disheartened. Modeling resilience will fill our children with the patience and endurance to be successful in their life journeys.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — June 27, 2025
Jealousy and Motivation
In this week’s Shabbat Torah portion, Moses’ first cousin Korach tries to take over leadership of the Jewish people due to his jealousy of Moses’ role. After all, both came from a prominent family in the Children of Israel. Jealousy drove Korach and his henchmen to a tragic end. Korach could have been great in his own right. He himself was already highly regarded as a representative of the Israelites, and his descendants were extraordinary figures later in Biblical history.
Jealousy is a complicated feeling. It starts with a fundamental desire to have something someone else has, but it festers through insecurity. There is nothing wrong with seeing something one believes is worth acquiring. Ambition can be a healthy motive to accomplish a personal or professional goal. But, when it becomes wrapped up with insecurity and anxiety it loses its positive power to motivate. The key is to ask oneself, “How can I achieve that?”, and that journey begins with knowing oneself, one’s strengths, one’s weaknesses, and clarifying one’s own possibilities as a human being creating his or her map of life.
Judaism teaches that indeed, we should strive to accomplish our goals. We are each made in the divine image with a unique talent we are meant to develop. As parents, our purpose is to motivate our children to express and pursue that talent. When our daughters and sons see something they want, we ask them how they will work for it. We redirect the energy that might fester in jealousy towards healthy pursuit of goals. We lead by example, never falling into the trap Korach did, but by asking how too can I be a leader in my way? How can I realize the vision G-d has for me in this world? There is no more rewarding a purpose for a parent or child than seeing that vision through.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — June 13, 2025
Attitude is Everything
Moses sent twelve spies into the Land of Israel. They all witnessed the same terrain and the same people inhabiting the land. Yet, ten of the spies returned with a negative, depressing report, and two (Yehoshua and Kalev) returned with a positive, upbeat report. The difference is one of beliefs and attitude. Yehoshua and Kalev trusted God and were filled with optimism, which led them to interpret what they were viewing in a positive light. The other spies had other agendas and therefore interpreted the same phenomenon negatively.
Two people can look at the same circumstances. One sees opportunity, and the other sees disaster. As parents we need to teach and model for our children how to find the silver linings in situations, and to make sweet lemonade out of sour lemons. That way our children will become resilient, positive, and productive people.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — June 6, 2025
Absorbing Blessing
The Torah commands the Kohanim (priests) to bless the Jewish people using a particular formula. The last of the three priestly blessings is “May the Lord raise His countenance toward you and grant you peace” (Bamidbar/Numbers 6:26). The last blessing of the silent Amidah (Shmoneh Esrei) also concludes “Blessed are you God who blesses His nation Israel with peace.” Similarly, the Kaddish ends “The One who makes peace on High, He shall make peace rest upon us, and upon all Israel.” Why do we always conclude with a prayer for peace? Our sages answer that “The only vessel fitting to receive blessing is peace.” Our sages are teaching us that without peace, all other blessings are rendered meaningless. One can have all the external blessings in the world, but if one does not have peace of mind, one cannot enjoy and appreciate one’s blessings.
As parents we can give our children every advantage, opportunity, and physical blessing, but if they do not have inner peace they will not reap the tremendous benefits of these blessings. A large part of educating our children involves cultivating an environment, and giving them the tools, to create inner peace of mind, and thereby to appreciate their blessings.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — May 30, 2025
The Most Important Character Trait
This week’s parsha of Bamidbar, meaning “in the desert”, generally falls before the holiday of Shavuot, the holiday on which we celebrate the giving of the Torah. Our sages point out that one of the reasons that God particularly chose to give the Torah in the terrain of a desert was to teach us that if one is humble, like the desert sands upon which all may wander, then one becomes fit to receive the Torah.
The Torah’s true wisdom flows towards the humble. Arrogance not only precludes a person from truly receiving the Torah, but is also considered to be an extremely negative character trait. Maimonides points out that while most character traits are good when present in a balanced way, even a small amount of arrogance should be avoided.
As parents we are responsible for overseeing not only the knowledge our children acquire, but also their character development. From the Torah’s perspective, training our children to be humble is an educational imperative. We thereby shape our children’s character to receive the holy Torah.
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Shavuot.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — May 23, 2025
Education’s Goal
One of the daily Mitzvot when we have a Temple (Beit Hamikdash) is for the priests (kohanim) to light the Menorah. The Torah commands “When you elevate the lamps (oil), the seven lamps shall cast their light toward the face of the menorah.” (Numbers 8:2)
The classic Torah commentator Rashi wonders why the torah uses the term elevate, as opposed to the term light when referencing the lamps at the start of the verse. He answers that the Mitzvah is to light the wicks so that they are strong enough to sustain themselves on their own. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein explains that the key to the purpose and goal of education is alluded to in this explanation by Rashi. The light of the Menorah symbolizes spiritual wisdom.
Lighting the oil wick represents spreading the wisdom to another, or in other words, education. Just as one must ensure that the oil wick contains enough light to sustain itself, so too one must ensure that a child receives sufficient educational wisdom to become independent and self-sufficient. Keeping the end in mind, it is important for us to remember that the goal of education is to help our children thrive independently.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — May 16, 2025
Digital Detox
I typed the following into my google search bar “day free of electronics.” Here is the AI result: “A day free of electronics,” or digital detox, is a period of time where individuals consciously choose to abstain from using electronic devices and technology. This can be a 24-hour period, a longer timeframe, or even just specific periods of time like during meals or at bedtime.
AI then lists the following benefits among others: reduced stress, increased focus and productivity, enhanced relationships, improved sleep, and increased awareness of technology’s influence.
Having the entire world in the palm of our hands (e.g. smartphones) is an amazing technological feat and a blessing in many ways. However, the challenges are great and can potentially be very detrimental to us and to our children. The importance of monitoring ourselves and our children in this regard is of the utmost importance.
In this week’s Torah portion the Torah refers to Shabbat as a holy convocation and commands us to refrain from certain creative activities, called melacha, on Shabbat. 3337 years ago, the Torah gave us a Digital Detox day, a day to refocus our lives and enhance our relationships without the distraction of worldly pursuits. It is a day to refocus ourselves and our children on the truly important things in life: values, family, and spiritual connection.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — May 9, 2025
Motivating Good Choices
Rashi quotes a Midrash at the beginning of this week’s Torah portion “Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah gives the following parable: a patient, whom a doctor came to visit. The doctor said to him, “Do not eat cold foods, and do not lie down in a cold, damp place.” Then, another doctor visited him, and advised him, “Do not eat cold foods or lie down in a cold, damp place, so that you will not die the way so-and-so died.” This one motivated the patient more than the first doctor.
As parents we want to increase our children’s motivation to make good, moral, and healthy choices, and decrease their motivation to make negative, immoral, and unhealthy choices. The parable of Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah expresses the role of clearly understanding the consequences of our actions as a major motivating factor of our behavioral choices. Our role therefore as parents is to clearly and continuously articulate the value and consequences of the choices that lie before our children. This reinforcement will motivate the child to continue in the path of positive life choices.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — May 2, 2025
The Power of “I don’t know”
Our sages learn from a verse in this week’s Torah portion, Tazria-Metzorah, that one should learn to say, “I don’t know.” Teaching our children to say “I don’t know” is such an important part of their education. Our children, and we as parents, need to be taught that admitting not knowing something is not a sign of incompetence, and certainly does not detract from anyone’s essential value. Our sages encourage us to learn to say “I don’t know” because saying “I don’t know” unashamedly is in fact a strength. It shows honesty, humility, and fosters both seeking true knowledge and an unthreatening environment for collaboration and learning. As parents we need to ensure that we do not make our children feel less special when they say “I don’t know.” It is important that we also sometimes say “I don’t know”, truthfully and unashamedly, and thereby teach our children the great value, strength, and learning opportunities that open up when we give voice to our own humanity.
Rabbi’s Parenting Message — April 25, 2025
The Torah explains how to identify a kosher animal – an animal that has a true split hoof and is a ruminant (chews its cud). A pig has a true split hoof but does not chew its cud and is therefore not a kosher animal. Why then did the Torah find it necessary to specifically mention that the pig is not kosher if it already doesn’t meet the original criteria? The Talmud states that the pig was singled out because it is the only animal that exists with split hooves that does not chew its cud. Every other animal with split hooves also chews the cud. Since Moses and our sages were obviously not modern zoologists, it is truly remarkable that no exceptions have been found.
Our sages point out that the pig represents a particularly objectionable idea: appearing kosher (righteous) on the outside and being unkosher (corrupt) on the inside. This relates directly to how we role model ourselves as mothers and fathers for our children. Our children learn far more from what we do than from what we say. Children are experts in discovering the contradictions between our words and our actions. None of us are perfect and therefore our actions may on occasion be inconsistent with our values. When our children point this out to us, this is itself an amazing educational opportunity. Rather than make excuses, we should be honest, admit the inconsistency, and commit to improvement. Our job as parents is to perfect ourselves by ironing out our own inconsistencies, and thereby truly model the values we want to pass on to our children. Our children will thereby understand that their parents are human and are always on an upwards trajectory of growth. What better lesson could we transmit?
Shabbat Shalom
Passover Parenting Message — April 18, 2025
Passover is the Biblical holiday most focused on the education of our children. Part and parcel of the education of a child from a Jewish perspective is giving the child the context of his or her own life. The Passover experience instills a foundational understanding of the history of the Jewish people in a child. It also reinforces a sense of pride at being the next link in the chain of the Jewish people. Finally, it brings home the message that indeed, G-d hears our prayers, delivered us from bondage in Egypt, and is with us in every generation. While this process begins on Passover, this vital education is ongoing in the development of the identity of every Jewish child.
Passover Parenting Message — April 11, 2025
Why do we call the text used at the Seder, the Haggadah? The word Haggadah means to tell, or communicate, information. The reason we use this word for communication to describe the text we use at the Seder is because the Torah commands us “And you shall tell your child on that day saying: For this God redeemed us from the land of Egypt.” (Exodus 13:8) In the text of the Haggadah there is a well known passage “The Torah speaks concerning four children, one is wise, one is simple, one is wicked, and one does not know how to ask.” This passage contains within it perhaps the most important parenting message. Every child is unique and requires a different educational approach. Every child’s strength, weakness, questions, and perspectives must be carefully understood. Once this has been accomplished one can then effectively educate and help the child to grow to their fullest potential, and communication is at the core of that journey in teaching each child. As King Solomon advises in his Book of Proverbs, the Torah’s path is to educate each child according to his or her way (Proverbs 22:6).
Chag Sameach!