Rabbi’s Parenting Message — April 25, 2025
The Torah explains how to identify a kosher animal – an animal that has a true split hoof and is a ruminant (chews its cud). A pig has a true split hoof but does not chew its cud and is therefore not a kosher animal. Why then did the Torah find it necessary to specifically mention that the pig is not kosher if it already doesn’t meet the original criteria? The Talmud states that the pig was singled out because it is the only animal that exists with split hooves that does not chew its cud. Every other animal with split hooves also chews the cud. Since Moses and our sages were obviously not modern zoologists, it is truly remarkable that no exceptions have been found.
Our sages point out that the pig represents a particularly objectionable idea: appearing kosher (righteous) on the outside and being unkosher (corrupt) on the inside. This relates directly to how we role model ourselves as mothers and fathers for our children. Our children learn far more from what we do than from what we say. Children are experts in discovering the contradictions between our words and our actions. None of us are perfect and therefore our actions may on occasion be inconsistent with our values. When our children point this out to us, this is itself an amazing educational opportunity. Rather than make excuses, we should be honest, admit the inconsistency, and commit to improvement. Our job as parents is to perfect ourselves by ironing out our own inconsistencies, and thereby truly model the values we want to pass on to our children. Our children will thereby understand that their parents are human and are always on an upwards trajectory of growth. What better lesson could we transmit?
Shabbat Shalom
Passover Parenting Message — April 18, 2025
Passover is the Biblical holiday most focused on the education of our children. Part and parcel of the education of a child from a Jewish perspective is giving the child the context of his or her own life. The Passover experience instills a foundational understanding of the history of the Jewish people in a child. It also reinforces a sense of pride at being the next link in the chain of the Jewish people. Finally, it brings home the message that indeed, G-d hears our prayers, delivered us from bondage in Egypt, and is with us in every generation. While this process begins on Passover, this vital education is ongoing in the development of the identity of every Jewish child.
Passover Parenting Message — April 11, 2025
Why do we call the text used at the Seder, the Haggadah? The word Haggadah means to tell, or communicate, information. The reason we use this word for communication to describe the text we use at the Seder is because the Torah commands us “And you shall tell your child on that day saying: For this God redeemed us from the land of Egypt.” (Exodus 13:8) In the text of the Haggadah there is a well known passage “The Torah speaks concerning four children, one is wise, one is simple, one is wicked, and one does not know how to ask.” This passage contains within it perhaps the most important parenting message. Every child is unique and requires a different educational approach. Every child’s strength, weakness, questions, and perspectives must be carefully understood. Once this has been accomplished one can then effectively educate and help the child to grow to their fullest potential, and communication is at the core of that journey in teaching each child. As King Solomon advises in his Book of Proverbs, the Torah’s path is to educate each child according to his or her way (Proverbs 22:6).
Chag Sameach!